Best Mother's Day gift ever!!

My day started off with Alex Ybarra calling my name. He was barely awake with the covers tucked under his neck and his long legs hanging off the bed. "Mama," he called again not noticing I had entered his room, "I love you."

I told him I loved him, too. He repeated, "Mama, I love you." I responded, "I love you, too, Alex. How much do you need?"

When a teenager tells you twice he loves you it is a good indicator he needs cash.

"I don't need anything," he said with a huge grin, " I have a job! I don'tneed money. Just wanted to tell you I love you."

Best Mother's Day gift ever!!

Giants

My oldest son has type 1 diabetes. When he first started to become sick, we blamed other things, because he was always such a strong boy. His own pediatrician even called him "Bam Bam" and ignored his symptoms, too. From birth, Alex could do things other newborns could not do like hold a rattle and other objects in his hand. Most infants just clench their hands into little fists. We didn't have to childproof our home because Alex had amazing common sense and almost a supernatural intuition. One day, my mother tried to use Clorox wipes instead of baby wipes on him. He wouldn't let her use them even though the baby could not even read! 

I can't remember what I did with Isaiah and our foster kids the day Alex became really sick. I remember that my husband was at work.  I only remember that Alex was admitted to ICU. That would be the first time a doctor would tell me that my son might not "make it". That would not be the last time, however, that an almighty God would save the life of my beloved son. This illness has taken so much from us. It has made us lose sight of what is important at times and caused us to wander at other times. Months and months of missed school has taken the boy with the ridiculously high IQ and made him feel less than adequate. Making him choose to act like he doesn't care rather than admit he doesn't know the work. How would he know it when he wasn't in school? People, including those in positions of authority, have shamed him or belittled him. Like the teacher a couple of years ago who wouldn't let him go to the nurse. When she finally let him go, the nurse sent us to the hospital because Alex was so sick. Alex doesn't always look sick. He may come across as sleepy or defiant. He may even look very normal. Apparently, this autoimmune disease was present years before Alex was diagnosed. These incidents with people who do not understand aren't isolated. They happen time and time again. Sometimes, children learn to protect themselves from painful situations. For example, they may make fun of all things. If they act as if nothing matters, then perhaps eventually nothing will and they do not have to feel the pain of shame, hurt, and fear. This can take a toll on someone's soul when the heart hardens. If nothing matters, it can seep into school work and relationships with people that were once important. As a parent, this is hard to see happening. Still, you can only keep so many plates spinning. So, you start to forget your own child's purpose. You start to just focus on keeping the child alive. This becomes the only thing you have the energy to do, and believe me, this can take up all of your energy at times. Especially when the medical bills become all surmounting. 

This weekend, the pastor talked about facing the giants in our life. I started to realize that one of my giants has been my son's illness or perhaps my fear about my son's illness. When I was pregnant with Alex, there were many circumstances that tried to lead me not to give birth to him including my own health. Nonetheless, I knew that my baby was going to do great things. God told me so. He told me that the doctors and the AFP test were wrong. That my baby was going to be fine. It didn't come as a shock to me that against what the doctor told me, my baby was born without problems and was born with a gift of unusual strength. God knew Alex would need to be strong. I know Alex has that strength still. Alex wasn't spanked but entered the world screaming and reaching out to grab the nurse holding him. God reminded me of my son's birth. He also reminded me that His purpose for Alexander the Great did not end the day he was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes. We have taken several detours that I do not believe were God's best for our life. Thankfully, I know God is able to set us back on the course that is best. Alexander means defender of man. This is my prayer for my son. I know when he develops a passion for others, he will find God's purpose for his own life. Please join with me to pray that 2014 would be the year of the Lord's favor for my son and that he would find a passion for God's purpose in his life. Please pray that Alex and I would release the fears that hold us from experiencing all that God has for us. May we have faith as my youngest son, Isaiah, who remains seizure-free since the day he announced, "God isn't going to let me have another seizure....." Alex Ybarra is my hero in so many ways. I don't know many people who would have been able to face all the giants he has faced in his life and still be standing. Stand strong my beautiful son. God stands with you and so do I.

Twitter

My son told me the other day that he has a twitter account and that a couple of times he has tweeted his frustration about "parents" on it. So, tonight I told him I am opening a twitter account so I can vent about my teenage son. He thinks that is not right. What?

Praising in Pink

It fills my heart with joy to see my oldest son praising God and inviting his friends to church. He is the one on the front row in the bright pink shirt and pink shorts! No, he does not have a security problem at all. He is completely confident in his pink shirt. So proud!!

 

My Miracle

It was on this day 18-years-ago that I delivered a baby doctors said I would never have. For weeks I was told my little one would be "small for dates" meaning he wasn't growing. I was told my child had a deformity and that I should consider an abortion. I quit my job and was put on bed rest because I kept going into premature labor. I was considered high risk because of my polio. Yet, God kept telling me that regardless of what the doctors said, my baby would live and do great things. God told me my baby would be a leader and "rescuer" of men. I gave birth to a beautiful 10 pound boy who didn't need to be spanked because he arrived alert and screaming at the world; peeing on the doctor and nurse to announce his arrival.

I have seen glimpses of God's gift of leadership in Alex Ybarra. Like when he taught his brother to walk when doctors said he was too sick to learn how. He almost forced that baby to walk accepting nothing less than his brother was going to be okay.

My son has yet to realize his true calling. Sometimes he walks in defeat because he does not know who he was created to be. But, I know. God told me while he was still in my belly. That promise is still true today. Alex is exceptional and amazing and more brilliant than any man I have ever known.  His wisdom at times amazes me. May he begin to live his life today like the son of the King because that is who he is. May God use him to rescue men who have not found their way. May my son find his way today. I love him more than he will ever know. I will never leave you nor forsake you, my beautiful son. Happy birthday!

Alex needs a haircut.

The role of the lion from the Wizard of Oz will be played by Alex Ybarra.

Guard Your Heart

At Walmart, listening to Alex Ybarra tell a little boy to guard his heart as he covers magazines (with scantily clad women on cover) with Crunch N Munch boxes. Little boy's mama was totally impressed.

 

Designer Hardware

We are home now. Isaiah has a fever. But is still smiling and singing Jesus songs. Love that baby!

Alex doesn't have an infection. Stitches removed. Still in pain. More pain meds. All of us exhausted. Lets hope the boy sleeps tonight so we can all sleep!! Check out the designer priced hardware!

Pushing Through

I love my son more than words can express. The last two months have been so hard for my legs. Post-polio pain has been excruciating. It would be so easy to spend weekends legs up in a recliner. But this beautiful man challenges me. This morning I kept telling him I couldn't do any more. I said I needed to rest. I hurt I told him. He kept telling me I could do it and just a few more steps. This from the man who is just now recovering from a broken foot and now broken wrist! His determination to push through amazes me. We walked almost five miles. My son is a blessing and I am so thankful for him.

Hawk Pride

My oldest son, Alexander Ybarra, was nominated for the Hawk Pride award by Mr. Busch. It is for good behavior and academic success. I am always so proud of my beautiful son!!

Blondie

I always suspected my oldest son had some "blond" in him.

Alexander the Great

We were in the check out line today paying for our groceries when Alexander bolts pass me to the woman behind me. I was concerned at first until I realized he was helping her. She was in one of those motor carts and couldn't get her groceries onto the conveyer belt. Alex helped her with the groceries and then stayed behind to put them back in her basket.

Miracles

May we never forget the miracle God worked this week. The doctors were threatening to first take the toe. Then they said the foot. Then came the final blow when they told us that the necrotizing fasciitis infection had gone to the leg! The doctor announced that they would be removing a portion of my beautiful son's leg. They were wheeling him down to the operating room. Marvin kept insisting that Alex was going to keep his leg. I was numb and just walked silently next to the bed on wheels. Alex looked pale and blank faced. I really wanted to tell Marvin to "SHUT UP". Had he not heard the doctor just announce that they would be removing up to part of my son's leg. Then all of a sudden another doctor came down the hall and asked us to go back to the room. "We are going to try one more medication," he announced.

God said Alexander gets to keep his leg. He gets to keep his foot. He gets to keep his toe. Thank you to the King of the Universe who still works miracles today!! 

Insulin Pump

Alexander got his new insulin pump today.  May God use it to help my baby manage his illness.  I pray he would bless us to pay for this one and help us to pay the balance on the old one!
Thank you Father!

Alex was baptized today!!

Kindergarten

Isaiah had a rough day yesterday. He missed his brother very much. Most of his conversation pertained to "when Alex comes home". I must confess that I miss Alexander desperately, too. The truth is that I do all I can to stay busy and not think about him. If I give in to thoughts of my oldest son, I just want to crawl under the covers and weep. I comforted Isaiah letting him know Alex would be home in nine months. I reassured him that God had this entire situation in His hands and all would be well. Then the phone rang......

Alexander told me he loves his school and all of his classes are honors classes. He shared that his credits will transfer to high school and he will get to graduate early. He was very animated and for a moment I felt the anxiety that has been with me since he left leave me. He told me about the sparkly-eyed girl that has caught his attention. "She has sparkly eyes like you mama." I love the way Alexander says "mama". He says it the way he did when he was Isaiah's age. I'm so glad he hasn't started calling me "mom" or "mother". I hope I will always be mama to him. Then the bomp dropped....

"Mama, I think I want to stay in the Valley." He announces so nonchalantly you'd think he just gave me the weather report.

I hung up the phone not going to see what God wanted at all. I didn't pray. I didn't read my bible. I just crawled under the covers and sobbed.

This morning I took Isaiah to school. He was so excited about his pretty teacher with hair close to her face. Isaiah places his hands next to his cheeks and says, "Ms. Truong looks like this!" He is so happy and excited. He hardly eats the cafeteria breakfast because he wants to be the first kid in the class.

"Its chocolate!" He tells Ms. Truong as she opens the gift we've prepared for her. He says the word chocolate with a Spanish accent and emphasis on the "e". It sounds more like chocolatay. This is the way I say the word. I smile that he is so much like me at times. He hugs his teacher looking intently into her face to make sure she approves of his gift. "Hurray!" She squeals and actually jumps up and down. I love this teacher. Isaiah is beaming with her approval. Ken walked with me to the school today. He wanted to see his son off on his first day of Kindergarten. We talked about what went wrong in our marriage. It was hard to hear, but I feel peace knowing I did all I could do. 

I come home to an empty house. I had become so dependent on Alexander. My idol. My first born. Our counselor told me Alex had unusually strong attachments to me. This separation is good I tell myself. Then I throw myself on the bed and cry some more. I cry harder than I have since the day he left. Eventually, my tears cease and I begin a conversation with the Father. I can't hear Him at first and am literally yelling (in my mind) for him to answer me.

"I keep getting your answering machine, God. I need you to answer or call me back. I want my son back and you aren't taking my calls. There isn't even any options! There should be options. Press 1 for God and press 2 for the Holy Spirit and 3 for the archangel Michael and maybe 4 for God. Catholics press 5 for Mary."

I'm obviously embellishing this mornings prayer and adding some humor to what was anything but a funny situation. Thankfully, God got through my emotion and reminded me of a day when Alexander became separated from me at Schlitterbahn. I thought he would be abducted and became hysterical as Ken and the Schlitterbahnemployees looked for my son. Alex was fine. God had been with him the entire time.

"Daughter, I was with Alex then. I am with him now. Be at peace."

Its good to know that even when we FEEL like God has forwarded our cries to voice mail; he is still on the job. God has no voice mail. He has no secretary. God doesn't receive text messages or telegrams. God always answers our calls personally. Our emotions may contradict what scripture tells us at times. But, God always hears us!

Hanging out with Mike Hardcastle

Sonic Saves

My oldest son and I went to Sonic today. We "ran away" while the kids were napping. We bought Route 44 diet sodas that sizzled and burned the way a soda should. Sonic sodas never seem to be flat and they always seem to have just a little bit more carbonation than any other soda. Ever purchase a flat soda from a fast food place? It makes you want to throw it back through the drive threw window. I'd never do it, but it makes you want to do it! Sonic sodas are never like that.

In that car sipping really strong diet sodas, Alex and I were able to imagine a happier day. We talked about how we used to run through other people's sprinklers and then run away really freaked out that they'd see us. We talked about playing the music much too loud in the car with each of us having an arm out of opposite windows (windows down of course) singing at the top of our lungs. We talked about how we used to jump on the bed together. Alex asked if we'd be able to play chase again in our new home or hide-n-seek. We had so many rules and regulations in the last house. I told Alex that we would set rules and I would post them for all of us to see. I told him that some of the rules might be different and some might be the same. He accepted my reply. We also talked about him getting his insulin pump finally.

God is Good Always

My son was waiting for a friend to come pick him up for maybe his only second or third sleep over. I’m really paranoid about letting my children out of my sight for a moment. (Almost sick with worry now just thinking about him not being here!) I was just hanging out watching my kid wear a hole in the tile pacing back and forth waiting for our friends. They were running a little behind and Alexander was almost ready to throw up over the delay. When a little delay turned into a lot delay he found himself on the couch in tears. “They aren’t coming!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I have to stop for a moment to say that a normal child would probably have not responded to this situation in such a manner. However, it took my kid a lot of courage for this moment. We’ve been building up the courage for this particular sleep over for about two years. I am not joking. The last time we did a sleep over Alexander could hardly enjoy himself because he was too concerned with all the “potential” dangers that lurked everywhere. It’s a wonder he didn’t make himself throw up with worry. I’m pleased to announce he kept himself from being accosted, molested, exposed to inappropriate material…. But at what cost? I’m sure Abby and Jean Rony are still wondering what is wrong with my kid! I hope they know that there is nothing wrong with my kid… lots wrong with the mama though.

So, I couldn’t help but wonder how I could have possibly done this to my child. I never wanted to do this to my son. It was my goal to protect him from all the nut jobs in this world. I never meant to turn him into the emotional mess that sat crying on the couch certain that his friends really weren’t coming and then scared to death that they really WERE COMING. After I walked Alex to my friend’s car I recalled my own childhood. My sister and I were never allowed to have friends spend the night or even call our house, we weren’t allowed to spend the night at anyone else’s house or visit anyone’s house. Our upbringing was about as strict as you can imagine. Its ironic because my mother fought so hard to keep the evil from coming in when the evil lived right there in our home. In the process of trying to protect my kids, I prevent them from experiencing some wonderful things with people that are nothing like my very wounded parents. I’m learning to let go. It’s hard. It’s been a very difficult process of seeing the goodness of God in people. I’ve seen too much evil in my life at an early age. It makes it difficult to trust the goodness of God. Every time I see my friend Ange she tells me, “God is good always.” She will never know how much this has meant to me in in all the years I have known her. I NEED to hear that over and over again.

The other day my very wise and gifted friend Laurie emailed me writing, “…are all preparing him for something God has planned for him.” She was encouraging me about my son Alexander. However, her words have stuck with me concerning all of my children. It’s easy to believe that the events in our life happen randomly for no purpose. I tend to quickly lose sight of the fact that God does all things in preparation for other things he is planning to do with our lives.

Dear Lord, I’m grateful to be Your daughter and to experience the benefits of finding my worth and value in You, my King. Help me encourage other women to do the same. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.