Heavy Heart

My heart is heavy today. The last nine days have been the most difficult in my life. My oldest son keeps asking me when we can go get his dad’s clothing from his apartment. He wants a shirt that smells like his dad. He says he wants nothing else from the apartment just a shirt. The little one just keeps saying his dad’s place was his house. He had a key to the place before the property manager changed the locks. Ken had a key to our house as well. It is still on his key chain in his apartment! I called the Williamson county courthouse today to ask about being let into the apartment only to learn that a petition had already been filed and my children not mentioned. I didn't believe it at first. I couldn't believe such evil could be done. Even when the document was emailed to me I was still in utter dismay. Ken's family is saying that Ken didn't have any children! My oldest son keeps telling me that it is the "Christians" that are evil in this world. No, Alex, it isn't the Christians that are evil. Not everyone that wears that title knows Jesus. Greed, sadness, anger, and other emotions make even Jesus people behave in ways that are not common to them. I have been guilty of it myself. 

I used to think that social media was not the place for certain personal matters. That goes back to the way I was raised. Shhhh! We don't tell. We keep things a secret. I no longer feel that way.

What venue is the place to request prayer for an injustice committed against a ten-year-year old child? The nineteen-year-old has been through so much trauma that he just becomes numbs and stops caring now. “Whatever,” he says and goes on. I just told the boys yesterday that God allows these situations into our lives to teach us to forgive others. I still stand by those words. We must forgive especially when it is the most difficult. I forgive Ken's siblings for filing the petition that excluded my children. I just do not understand and it hurts me because it hurts my children and I KNOW it would hurt their father.

Alex and Isaiah were asked to write a few words about their dad by relatives for their daddy's service. They really didn’t want to do so at first. It was too painful. However, they each wrote beautiful tributes to their father. Then, Isaiah asked to read a tribute to his father at his service. He was told he could not. We were willing to alter the tribute to the specifications of those in control (his siblings). Isaiah was told he would not be allowed to read his tribute. Then why bother asking him to write it? He angrily tells me, “I am his son.” Isaiah is the most forgiving little boy I know. I don’t want this situation to harden his heart and make him bitter. I feel my own heart becoming hard. I have to stop and pray for strength almost every hour all day long because these feelings on behalf of my children overwhelm me. At the same time, I understand that family members are angry that I divorced Isaiah’s father. It is easy to judge someone when you don't know the details and even easier to deify someone because your heart aches for them. But, what did my children do?

My brother passed away five years ago. I was devastated when I received the news. I miss him, but I am okay today. My father passed away when I was eleven-years-old. I never recovered completely from the loss of my father. I can’t imagine if relatives had chosen to exclude me from participating in my father’s service or had chosen to not list me as an heir as if I never existed. The ridiculous thing is that the only thing they would inherit is a one bedroom apartment full of junk. But, that junk belongs to my children. My children lost so much the day their daddy died. My heart is heavy not knowing what they will face tomorrow at their father’s service. If you plan to attend the service, please reach out to my children. They need to feel the support of those that care for them and recognize them as Ken Henderson’s children. He did.

It is enough that the children are dealing with their own grief. Alex is dealing with the recent surgery on his diabetic foot. Isaiah is dealing with seizures again and nightmares. Anyone that adds anything else to these babies will surely reap what they sow whether good or evil.