A Letter to Alex's Friends

A letter to Alex's friends,

Alexander came into this world on a cold rainy day peeing on the nurse and then the doctor. He didn't require the customary swat on the butt because he started screaming the second he was born. His pediatrician, Dr. Worrell, commented that Alex's muscles were unusually developed and that he had never seen anything like that. Alex was able to focus on objects in a room and hold a rattle in his hand from the beginning. Babies normally do not have that kind of control and strength.

At age 3, we switched to another pediatrician who was closer. Dr. Douglass spent the longest time with Alex again saying he was surprised by his strength, coordination, and muscle development at that age. This doctor called my son "Bam Bam" from the start.

I have an illness called post-polio syndrome. This means my legs do not work the way they should and I get tired and disoriented easily. Alexander learned how to drive at a very young age because there are times I cannot.

He also learned how to mow the grass at age six because I couldn't do it and my husband was very busy. Alex picked up the pieces wherever he could. He even taught his little brother to walk and speak when the doctors said he would be delayed. Most children's first word are mama or daddy, but Isaiah's first word was "Alex".

When Alex's dad started to become abusive towards him, he took it for as long as he could. Then finally he stood up to the 6'2" man and said you aren't angry with me because I haven't done anything wrong. He loved this man very much, but still wears the scars of that abuse. 

In school, he was tested and told he was "gifted and talented" and his IQ results qualified him to be considered a genius. In the first grade, the teacher let Alex teach the math class because Alex was already able to do simple algebra! He sailed through school until his diabetes started causing him to miss days. The school wasn't interested in making up the knowledge he missed. They just excused the work and passed him. He fell further and further behind. The boy who wanted to be a doctor more than anything could barely keep up. He started to hate school and hate the teachers who didn't understand his illness. He wears the scars of those days as well. The smartest man I know worries he will not succeed in college.

Alex looks so healthy but a common cold has put him in the hospital for days. Someone breathing smoke on him has turned into pneumonia. Alex has almost lost his leg more times than I can count. His diabetes makes his bones brittle, his lungs scarred, his body impossible to heal, and makes him susceptible to illness. His autoimmune condition has attacked his pancreas and thyroid and continues to reek havoc.

Despite everything Alex faces he continues to challenge himself as an athlete and a Christian. He wants his friends to know God because he cares. This makes him the brunt of your ridicule. So many times he gives up and just goes along with the foolishness of the day.

At age 19, he would love to go away to college. However, there have been days when Alex would have died in the night had it not been because Isaiah and I sensed something wrong and woke him up to realize he was in a diabetic crisis. Isaiah "feels" when his brother is sick in his sleep. He would love to get an apartment and live on his own. But, how would he afford the $700-1000 a month required above what insurance pays?? As you make fun of him, are you offering to help pay the medical bills?

Alex has buried two fathers and the only thing these men left him was a mess to clean up. I have been the only parent that has ever paid the children's medical bills.... Ever. Alex sees what I have to do to manage and knows he couldn't take over this challenge for himself.

He is thankful for the memories but wonders why his dads didn't love him enough to make sure he was taken care of. Both men told him they had planned for their deaths. He feels lied to and deceived and yet misses them both. He wonders why God has placed the burden of his little brother on him. But he is willing as he tells his brother it's time to go to bed or to stop disobeying his mother. When his brother's illness makes his perception inaccurate, Alex is quick to help him see truth.

He sees me working as hard as I can to make ends meet. He feels guilty that I haven't had a professional haircut in over five years and that my clothes are bought at thrift stores. He holds off on buying clothing or getting his own haircut as long as he can. He tells me he hates to be a burden. The truth is I couldn't take care of us without Alex.

Sometimes he comes home sad that his friends have called him names. Alex refuses to smoke, chew your tobacco, or drink your beer because he knows he has to take care of his health as much as he can. He doesn't pursue those women who so easily give up all they have because he knows catching something, anything, could mean death to him. He possesses a strength you will never know. You see him as weak but the truth is it requires great restraint for him not to give in and not to fight back. Alex is still ridiculously strong. I have seen what happens when he finally decides to fight back against a bully twice his size. Many of his friends would warn you not to push Alex so hard. I pray he never decides to fight back against you- for your sake. I pray that you would learn to be a true friend. Stop encouraging him to do things that might damage his truck or his life. Don't ask for what little money he has. The money you use to feed your face might be money we need to purchase life saving insulin.

Alex doesn't rush home when I call because he is weak. He could easily do what he wants. He is a grown man. A grown man with a mother that not only has post-polio but a heart condition and a brother with more medical issues than I can list. He rushes home because he knows I need help and he knows he has to get home to take the night insulin that keeps him alive!

It must make you feel like a big man to make fun of my son. You just have no idea that my son possesses more strength than you will ever understand. So keep making fun of him if you will. But remember his name because while you are still drinking yourself to death or chasing skirts, Alex will continue to do great things despite you, despite his illness, and despite all the other challenges he faces.