The Warrior is a Child

I suffer from anemia because I tend to stop eating when I become stressed out. My life has been considerably stressful lately and I have had trouble maintaining a consistent healthy diet. Its not conscious; it just happens.

I am guessing that anemia and the affects of post-polio syndrome related fatigue and probably my current stressors are sending my body into implode mode. Its been slowly creeping up on me and this morning hit me full force. I found it hard to get dressed, found it hard to focus on the road, and even ran a red light. I didn't realize the light was red until I was already under it. At work, I had similar problems focusing and just really didn't want to be there.

I must confess that I feel like I really just don't want to be anywhere. I want to say "done". I feel like I have been running my life on full speed ahead for such a long time now and I am completely exhausted. My son's diabetes is out of control. My ex-husband isn't getting any better and continues to abuse my children. My church has excommunicated me. My employer gave me a promotion that wasn't hers to give me and now has cut my hours. I haven't gotten child support this month. My health is starting to fray again. Nothing major: no immediate life-threatening situations, just lots of things that add up making me feel completely overwhelmed.

The maintenance man at work stopped me because I wasn't my usual "dancing self" and gave me a hug. Earline, my co-worker, told me she was worried about me because she found strength in my joy and that I didn't seem to have any today. She was right. I am usually able to leave my cares with the Lord and focus on ministering to my co-workers and getting my job done. However, today I just didn't have any joy.

My life seems to be one battle after another battle after another battle. I don't want to fight any more battles. And no, I am not PMSing today. I am just tired of fighting and lately I am having to fight people that are my brothers and sisters. Its like shooting yourself in the foot so-to-speak. At least, this is the case, if you believe we are all part of one body.

Today, I almost feel like if I just allow myself to lay down, surely my lungs will cease to work and my heart will stop beating. Wouldn't it be good if it were so easy? Alas, I have two little boys that won't let me lay down not even for a second...

I can't help but remember that old Twila Paris song.. Remember?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7KSfTY_nWzA

The Warrior Is A Child lyrics

Lately I've been winning battles left and right

But even winners can get wounded in the fight

People say that I'm amazing

Strong beyond my years

But they don't see inside of me

I'm hiding all the tears

And they don't know that I go running home when I fall down

They don't know who picks me up when no one is around

I drop my sword and cry for just a while

'Cause deep inside this armor

The warrior is a child

Unafraid because His armor is the best

But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest

People say that I'm amazing

Never face retreat

But they don't see the enemies

That lay me at His feet

And they don't know that I go running home when I fall down

They don't know who picks me up when no one is around

I drop my sword and cry for just a while

'Cause deep inside this armor

The warrior is a child

And they don't know that I go running home when I fall down

They don't know who picks me up when no one is around

I drop my sword and look up for a smile

'Cause deep inside this armor

Deep inside this armor

Deep inside this armor

The warrior is a child