VBS

We have vacation bible school this week and I am praising God for a chance to get out of the house and have something productive to do. My oldest, Alexander, is one of the small group leaders this year. This will be his very first experience doing something like this. I am very proud of him. He told me it was fun and also frustrating as some of the kids (including his little brother) do not do what he tells them to do. Although, he did say he wants to do this again next year so I guess the positive outweighs the negative. I was also able to help out a bit and those of you that know me know that this is truly where I am the happiest. I love to volunteer at church. I think they are going to be able to put me to work in the morning again. Woo hoo!!

Alexander also had his insulin pump put in today. All was well until earlier this evening when he had some sort of anxiety moment. He just wanted to rip the thing out of his abdomen and go back to shots. We ended up paging the doctor and she was able to talk him into keeping the thing in his belly. I guess this is a fairly common thing. She explained it takes a while to get used to the pump. Nevertheless, its such an amazing blessing that we were able to get this piece of equipment for Alex, I can't even begin to tell you.

Ken asked to come over today and we were all so happy to see him. I wish he could understand how not well we are without him. Still, he says he is too busy to go see the counselor or attend the anger management classes. The kids and I just want things to be well enough for us to go home. He went with us on a walk, helped with bath time, and bedtime, and then went home. It was brief and very scheduled, but went well and Isaiah had his positive time with dad which is what he really needed. He went to bed so content with his needs met and love tank full and NO RAGES. He was asleep by 9pm.

Alex, on the other hand, is still wide awake. He is watching "Second Hand Lions". Its one of the few DVDs we brought from the other house. I know he is still really anxious about falling asleep with the pump hanging out of his belly. Its hard to be twelve and have so much to deal with. After this weekend, he had started to pick at his scabs and was a bloody mess again. Its really hard to know how to balance everyone's needs. Ken's needs, the children's needs, and maintain peace and some semblance of normalcy.

Its really a heavy cross I find myself carrying these days. I was telling a friend at church today that my main problem is that I continually find myself with, not just a root of bitterness, but a giant oak tree of bitterness in my heart. I feel angry, hurt, and bitter towards my husband. It makes me be nasty and hateful.  I think this makes the cross I carry so much heavier. Would you pray with me that God would deliver me from this bitterness? Jesus says his burden is easy and his yoke is light. I claim his promise today for my life and the life of my children. I pray his grace over our life that it would just rain over us today.. over all of us.