Fear

For most of my life, I lived with fear as my constant companion. Fear kept me from getting hurt. Growing up with a disabling condition, I was constantly afraid of hurting myself. I have never climbed a tree. I do not know how to ride a bicycle. I avoid things that might be physically challenging because I will invariably end up hurt.  I have also been afraid of people at times. I try to play it safe. It can be very discouraging when the rest of the world seems to be taking chances and pushing themselves to new levels.  I would watch from the sidelines where it seemed safer.

A while ago, God started to show me that I was created to live a life of risk. I am not talking about the kind of risk my son Alex takes as a Parkour athlete. No, I don’t plan to leap from buildings or scale ten foot walls. My form of risk involves no longer allowing myself to be a doormat to cruel or insensitive people. My form of risk means no longer being constantly afraid of getting hurt.

Walking away from fear means trusting in God and taking one leap of faith after another. Faith gives you courage. Courage to do what is right instead of hiding.

This summer took me to even greater steps in my faith. My son, Isaiah, and I went to camp together. This meant I had to carry my own suitcase.  People with polio often struggle to do simple things like carrying a suitcase! I also slept on the TOP BUNK, people. The TOP BUNK! Sleeping wasn't a big deal, but getting up to the second level was a huge deal for me.  I spent the week with a group of beautiful giggly girls and our wonderful children’s pastor. Normally, I would need to take several breaks to keep up that pace and take steroids and painkillers. There are few breaks at kids’ camp and I didn't take steroids and painkillers.  Nevertheless, I not only survived the experience; I thrived from the experience.  I came back changed and determined to live by faith and not fear.

Fear helped me survive a difficult childhood. Fear kept me from making my polio worse through injury.  However, fear has hurt me more than helped me. Fear can paralyze you, enslave you, and keep you from enjoying your life.  Fear is unreasonable and all-consuming.

This weekend was another huge leap of faith. I put on a pair of roller skates and actually got out on the rink and skated. Okay, so I had to use a giant, adult-sized walker, but I didn't let fear keep me from trying.

I think it is time for fear and I to part ways. I will no longer be afraid of people.   I will no longer be afraid of the opinions of people. I will no longer be afraid to protect myself and my children. I will no longer fear making my polio worse.  Fear, I don’t need you any longer. God has given me faith to replace you. Good bye.