The subjects of divorce and remarriage are very controversial in Christianity today. There are some that believe that those that are remarried should divorce their spouse and return to their "covenant" spouse. Still another group believes that it is God's will for you to stay married to the one you are married to at this moment.
It is not the purpose of this post to argue either position. I am simply sharing my experience. I married the father of my youngest son, Isaiah, because I loved him. I believe he was my covenant husband in that I entered into a holy union with this man before God. I made a covenant with him and with God that I would stay married to him until death do us part. He entered into the same agreement with me.
We became foster parents too soon into our new marriage. I think the constant involvement with traumatized kids started to traumatize us. There were a series of circumstances that left me confused about my marriage including our counselor telling me she was going to call CPS if I didn't leave my husband. I now realize if the tables had been turned, he never would have left me. He would have helped me find help.
I sought "wise" counsel through our church and was told it best to leave the spouse of my youth. I focused on the flaws of my partner rather than what was going on in the relationship involving us both. I am not going to go through a lot of the details because it is irrelevant here. Your details might be different. The reason doesn't really matter. Deception is deception regardless of the costume it wears. The one thing that all deception has in common is that while you are being deceived; deception will make you want something that is undesirable and convince you that it is the best thing for your life. I was convinced leaving my husband was best for my children. I was also convinced he didn't want me. Whether he wanted me or not is also irrelevant. A covenant is a covenant. Likewise, my husband felt defeated and didn't fight for us. He just became depressed. We were both wrong.
I recently witnessed a newly remarried man dropping his children off with his former wife, their mother. I knew the parents when they were still married. I watched with careful observation as his second wife stood in the background. In my opinion, she is more attractive than the former wife. She appears to be younger and seems to hang on every word my friend has to say. However, you can see a sadness in her eyes. It is the sadness of a woman that will always be "the replacement". I see the same sadness in the eyes of my friend as he looks at his former wife. You can tell that he is doing a good job of moving on with his life. He never wanted the divorce. The former wife was deceived into leaving him and he let her go. They exchange pleasantries and pretend to hardly know each other. What is obvious to me is the deep bond that still exists between them in the spirit. The bible says that these two became one flesh. Have you ever tried to rip off your arm? Its impossible to do without permanent trauma. I think something happens in your soul after a divorce. I believe that your soul still pursues your covenant spouse. Your heart may have been so wounded that it closes itself off to prevent further injury. From your heart, come things that are deceptive and self-centered. But, the soul is something else. It is where the spirit of God dwells. The soul thinks as well. My friend's heart is able to go through the motions of severing from his covenant wife, but his soul is fused to her and still pursues her and will until death do them part.
I sought "wise" counsel through our church and was told it best to leave the spouse of my youth. I focused on the flaws of my partner rather than what was going on in the relationship involving us both. I am not going to go through a lot of the details because it is irrelevant here. Your details might be different. The reason doesn't really matter. Deception is deception regardless of the costume it wears. The one thing that all deception has in common is that while you are being deceived; deception will make you want something that is undesirable and convince you that it is the best thing for your life. I was convinced leaving my husband was best for my children. I was also convinced he didn't want me. Whether he wanted me or not is also irrelevant. A covenant is a covenant. Likewise, my husband felt defeated and didn't fight for us. He just became depressed. We were both wrong.
I recently witnessed a newly remarried man dropping his children off with his former wife, their mother. I knew the parents when they were still married. I watched with careful observation as his second wife stood in the background. In my opinion, she is more attractive than the former wife. She appears to be younger and seems to hang on every word my friend has to say. However, you can see a sadness in her eyes. It is the sadness of a woman that will always be "the replacement". I see the same sadness in the eyes of my friend as he looks at his former wife. You can tell that he is doing a good job of moving on with his life. He never wanted the divorce. The former wife was deceived into leaving him and he let her go. They exchange pleasantries and pretend to hardly know each other. What is obvious to me is the deep bond that still exists between them in the spirit. The bible says that these two became one flesh. Have you ever tried to rip off your arm? Its impossible to do without permanent trauma. I think something happens in your soul after a divorce. I believe that your soul still pursues your covenant spouse. Your heart may have been so wounded that it closes itself off to prevent further injury. From your heart, come things that are deceptive and self-centered. But, the soul is something else. It is where the spirit of God dwells. The soul thinks as well. My friend's heart is able to go through the motions of severing from his covenant wife, but his soul is fused to her and still pursues her and will until death do them part.
I know all too well what it is like to enter into a remarriage. Your heart makes the decision that this is a better situation for you. It may even seem like a better situation. Nonetheless, a covenant is a covenant and God doesn't look at marriage lightly. The covenant marriage is God's best. He never intended us to walk away from it. The covenant marriage is intended to bring Him glory and to be the representation of Jesus' love for us. Entering into a remarriage is like getting married when there is still someone else living in the home and asking the new spouse not to notice. It is a constant playing tug of war with someone pulling you back to the other side. The covenant spouse never leaves your thoughts. It is like trying to read a book while listening to an audio recording playing in your ears. It is like trying to hold a conversation with someone when someone else is speaking to you. At times, you may be able to focus on the hurt you experienced in the covenant marriage. This may help you see the new marriage as something positive. However, your soul is still pursuing the covenant spouse and the guilt and regret never leave you. Even if you were the spouse left and not the one that ran, your soul still pursues the covenant spouse. In time, the sting lessens, but it is present nonetheless. Becoming numb to what is right doesn't make wrong any less wrong. Still, your life will always be less than God's best and like the person who learns to live with a prosthetic leg, he is always aware of the leg he once had. He can make the prosthetic leg work, but it isn't what was best and he will always miss what should have been.
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