False Friends are Like Shadows

"False friends are like our shadow, keeping close to us while we walk in the sunshine but leaving us when we cross into the shade.” ~Bovee

In the beginning, my friends were supportive of my weight loss. Those closest to me knew about the pain caused by my post-polio syndrome. The more weight I lost, the less pain I experienced.  Friends were pleased and excited about my new found less pain days.  However, as I traded  the giant t-shirts and sweat pants for stylish clothing in size 16, 14, 12, 10, 8, 7, 6, 4, 2, and finally zero! Some of my friends became less supportive.  I threw off my wide width tennis shoes and slipped on high heels instead. I can remember my best friend having the most issue with me. She and I had struggled with our weight and chronic illness together for over a decade. She was closer to me than a sister and sometimes even a mother. She had been a Christian longer and always seemed so wise to me. As my health improved and I reached a normal weight, we started to drift apart. I could sense some jealousy or perhaps it was just her feeling the loss of a partnership. During that time, I continued to struggle with memories from my past. I tried to tell my friend about the things with which I struggled, but things were awkward between us. We didn't have the two things that held us together anymore. Weight and illness. Things were awkward between my husband and I as well. There were days that I found myself just curling up in bed and staying there. I think that my fear of becoming fat again added to my childhood memories became more than I could handle alone. I had so many friends when I weighed 240 pounds, 212 pounds, 200, 190, 180, 160, but then people started to treat me differently.