During a routine follow-up appointment today, I was found to have an "abnormal heart rhythm." My youngest was already freaking out with the amount of time this visit was taking and on the verge of a major tantrum so I couldn't stay any longer. The doctor wants me to come back tomorrow at 11:45 am so his nurse can connect a Holter-Monitor device that will do a 24-hour EKG reading. This will give him a better reading than the quickie EKG they did today.
I guess the reason I'm really stressing out is that I've had chest pain the last several weeks. I really think its just part of the stress of my current situation. I seem to suffer from chest pain during times of extreme duress and I'd say this qualifies. This has happened in the past.
I told my friend Kim yesterday that lately I've questioned God, "Are you sure this isn't more than I can bear Lord?" In my finite mind, of course, all of this seems like just too much. But, I also told my friend that so many times and even a few days ago I prayed "Lord, use my life. I surrender my life to you. Let my life not be wasted." I have to believe that this is all part of the pruning and growing process. I can't ask God to use my life and then cry unwilling to go through the process. All I can continue to say each day is take my life Lord, it is yours. Help me when I am weak and when I think I can't take one more thing. I am willing if you will carry me through it.
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