Water Blessings

Its so hard to blog lately because I feel that I fall too easily in sharing all the negative. I feel overwhelmed with the negative. I'm not sure why I can't seem to pull myself up and look at this situation in a more positive light. Just this morning I found myself awake at a ridiculous hour paralysed with fear over all the things I need to do and found myself sick with worry. I worry about all the things I need to do in the next few weeks like getting a job is the huge one, but I can't even start that until the kids are almost in school...until then I just have to hold on. Going back to school and getting a degree is the next, otherwise I'll never be able to support these kids on my own.

But, even the small things that I need to do in the next few hours are enough to send me to the restroom hurling. And again I just have to say to the universe, because I'm certain at times that God is sick of hearing it (although I really know he is not) that I really didn't want to find myself being a single parent again. I don't want to be a single parent!! I want to go home. Okay, that was my pity party for the day. Because God did a really cool thing for us today.

In the middle of my feeling sick not knowing what I would do with my children today, I get the bright idea to call my mother and ask her for her pool card. (I haven't been able to get the property management people to give me my pool card.) Those of you that have heard my rants about my relationship with my mom know that she doesn't relinquish anything very easily. I'm still not completely over the shock, but the kids and I have something to do that doesn't cost any money. And the boys and I had a blast swimming at the pool. We actually have two very lovely pools where we can go and pretend we have no cares in life and for at least a couple of hours we don't have any cares. This is a bigger blessing than anyone can even begin to understand. Thank you God for showing me that you really were listening to me by softening my mother's heart to my request.

Ken called earlier and asked if he could take the kids to Old Settlers where they are having some Frisbee Golf thing and then fireworks. It works out perfectly since I have a bible study usually on Fridays. I haven't done the lesson;although, I've picked up the book probably a dozen times this week. I'm not really sure why my brain can't seem to focus on anything. I can't pray without my mind drifting. I can't read without becoming distracted. Ah...Worry? That I can do without any distraction. Except at the pool. Something about water that makes it impossible to think of anything unpleasant.