This week people all over the country are preparing to celebrate Thanksgiving Day with their families. They are hurriedly shopping for last minute ingredients and tidying their homes to welcome guests. Hearts everywhere are filled with thoughts of gratitude. I have my own list of things for which I am thankful. I am thankful for my family and I am thankful for my health. However, unlike other people I won't be cooking a lavish meal for a large family this year. We won't be welcoming aunts and uncles and cousins to a home filled with the aroma of pumpkin pie or stuffing filled turkey.
When I was growing up, we would make the several day's travel to visit my grandparents, aunts, uncles, and many cousins in another country. After they passed away, however; travel there became precarious, so we stopped going.
I was married for a long time to a man that cared a great deal about me. We had many friends through our church and had many holidays spent just like the ones you see on Hallmark movies. There were a series of very sad situations, some I had no control over, and some that led to poor choices on my part that took me away from that life with him. A hasty new marriage landed me with a new family that wasn't kind and was not accepting of me. Eventually, I decided the maltreatment wasn't worth having a place to go for the holidays or even having a husband so I turned away from that "family". This holiday finds me in a place of uncertainty.
The only thing I am certain of is that God still loves me and I owe it to my two boys to make the best holiday I can for them. I am filled with sadness and loneliness beyond words today. I wish I could blink my eyes and go back to my Hallmark life, but I can't. I once read that deception will make you desire something that is undesirable and will make you believe something that is untrue. I believed I was in a bad situation then and it landed me in a much worse situation now. I can only move forward and trust God to mend the pieces of my broken life. I am trusting God to make my wrongs right.
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