Roller Coasters Build Integrity

Its been a roller coaster of emotions lately. The beginning of one of the happiest experiences of my life has also brought some challenges. Our wedding day should have been a most joyous time, and it was, but it also brought heartache as we realized that some of our family wasn't completely on board with the idea. As I looked over the faces watching us say our vows, most of them looked like they were witnessing a funeral service not a wedding service. What had I possibly done to gain such disdain? I couldn't help but wonder what was wrong with me.

Logic tells me that these issues have very little to do with anything I have done or not done. But all my heart could hear was, "You are not good enough." Again. Their worry triggered all those childhood messages of not being enough. Not being enough translates into excess weight for me. I start to believe I'm not good enough and I stop exercising, stop watching what I eat, and I stop caring. I know it isn't intentional or even done on a conscious level, but its done nonetheless. So, today I find myself 26 pounds heavier and heavier not only in body, but in heart. The bottom line about my weight issues are an identity in Christ issues. I am thankful that Christ is bringing all things that aren't from Him to the service. My self esteem issues are just one of these things from which he wants to deliver me. How easy it is for someone to come along and pull me away from who I know I am in Christ.

I was praying today and the Father explained to me HIS glorious purpose for allowing this latest challenge. There are other agendas at work in these attacks, but the Father also has purposes in allowing these things, too. I have to be broken enough to forget about the opinions of others so the Father can cement who I am in Him. Each of these challenges reinforces who I am in Christ. Each of these challenges makes it more difficult to pull me away from Him the next time. My husband in turn must be broken enough to put aside the opinions of others and love me despite it all. We must want our destiny so much that we are willing to pursue the portion God has for us despite these challenges. We must want the FULL inheritance God has for us so much we are willing to fight for it rather than easily surrender it. I guess if we can't be trusted with a small battle such as this, we certainly can't be trusted to take a full blow later. I thank God so much that He has brought amazing leaders to us to give us wisdom and keep us submitted to receive the next level in God. God is trying to see if Marvin and I are able to follow directions and submit to him despite the challenges before He births the next phase in us.

We can do all things through Christ.