Generational Curses

I went to a private Christian school as an adolescent. The services were a bit charismatic. I learned things about generational curses and Satanic oppression and "casting out" a variety of negative internal visitors. I met a girl at this school and it was her invite to church that led me to Christ. For months, I had heard that I deserved to go to hell and should accept Jesus lest I go there. This didn't scare me. I spent my childhood hearing that I wasn't good enough. I cooked for my family, took care of my alcoholic father, raised my baby sister, and was my mother's counselor when her Valium didn't offer her relief. It wasn't enough though as I was constantly told that something was wrong with me. It was comforting to know I'd go to hell. I deserved hell.. finally I would be able to pay the price for all I had done. However, one day I heard that Jesus died because he loved me and I was good enough just as I was. The tears flowed down my face and I was at the alter that minute. Today, it has been one of those days where I heard "What is wrong with YOU!" all the day long. I can't help but wonder if there isn't some truth to what my Christian school told me. Maybe I am infused by some generational kind of curse?

My friend from the Austin Christian Academy and I went to a "deliverance" service  once and they "cast out" all the generational curses. Hmmm...maybe they left one behind. In all honesty, I don't believe this is true, but I do know that the experiences in the generations before me have left an imprint on my life now. I worry that this will be the story for my own children. I struggle like a fish out of water. Its been this way most of my life. I am 41-years-old and can't seem to break the hurt of generations. What hope is there for my children?

Please join me in praying that my life would not pass negative consequences down to the generations that come after me. I desire to live a godly life, but can't seem to break-free from this unbearable sadness that consumes me. I keep spinning all these plates, but worry one day someone is going to realize that I'm just not good enough. Then what?