Home Alone

I managed clinical and administrative staff as a practice administrator for most of my career. I was good at doing this job, but I hated most aspects of being a manager. It broke my heart to have to turn away people that couldn't pay for medical care. Keeping up with the constant flux in health care laws was overwhelming at best. The thing I disliked the most was giving out negative information to my employees. My last employer saw everything as a disciplinary issue rather than a training issue and was quick to let employees "have it" for very minor issues. Needless to say, a person like myself with the tendency to want to people please, would not do very well in this position. I seemed to be doing fine because outwardly I excelled and my employer was pleased. Inwardly, however, I cried daily. I was so excited when I got to stay home with my children. Being a stay-at-home mom was awesome!

As a single mother, I have no choice but to work now to provide for my children. God blessed me with an amazing job at Macy's and a promotion that will become affective in the next month or so. I get to do something I really enjoy with people I love and I have an amazing opportunity to reach out to others. Plus, did I mention I get to dress up mannequins!? Its like playing Barbie dolls with giant Barbie dolls. I wake up every day in a surreal state. Consequently, I see Macy's as the greatest blessing for me professionally. Praise God for providing me with a safe place to go to everyday where I can also earn a little bit of money for my children.

I have been met with some challenges, however, as I endeavor to juggle a job and care for my children. My mother picks up my youngest from school, but is always quick to let me know how much she dislikes caring for children. She is good with Isaiah, but doesn't like her grand kids anymore than she liked her own children. She is also never available to watch the kids for full days. There is a holiday coming up and the kids will need to be home. I have to be at work until 2 pm so I am contemplating leaving the kids alone during that time.

I guess visions from the popular movie "Home Alone" keep flashing in my mind. Except that instead of attacking bad guys, the visions in my head involve my boys attacking each other! Giggle. I am not too worried about someone hurting them because I know they will stay inside. I guess my concern involves whether my oldest is really prepared to care for a four-year-old brother with fetal alcohol syndrome and everything that diagnosis carries.

Alex still suffers from PTSD as a result of our foster care experiences and then his experience with abuse in my last marriage almost left him completely undone. The boys are both doing so much better since we came to live in our "grace house", but there will probably be residual damage that only God's grace can heal. I have seen God healing Isaiah. I know he can heal Alex. I have hope that He has not abandoned me either.

If you think of it, please join me in praising God for the healing he is doing in my children. Please join me in thanking Him for the provision of employment through Macy's. Please partner with me in praying that God would continue to restore, redeem, and renew my home; and that I would gain direction in knowing what to do about leaving my kids home alone.