Anna

This morning I met a middle aged lady named Anna. She was uncovering her plants after last nights cold. Its been a while that I felt God calling me to do any type of "neighborhood" outreach. I have felt called to reach out to my new roommate and her son. However, I have specifically felt that God needed me to work on my own issues for a while and allow him to heal some things in my own life before I went back into active community outreach. So, it was a pleasant surprise this morning when I shook Anna's hand and felt the familiar pain in my heart.

My earliest memory is that of being two-years-old. I am running through a mansion made of glass. The walls are coming down around me. The house smells of cigarettes, newspaper, and old magazines. A second whiff picks up the malodorous scent of gin, vodka, and Jack Daniels. This is the way my two-year-old mind filed away the memory. A mansion made of glass and the walls breaking over me. What actually happened is that my father, in a drunken rage, was using his cane or crutch and shattering everything made of glass in the house. The windows in our home were very high (from almost floor to almost ceiling). I can see why I would remember this as a house made of glass. I can still feel the terror of having to run. This actually happened to me and is my very first memory. I used to wonder why God would allow someone who had only been on the earth for 24-months to go through something so horrific.

As I shook Anna's hand and felt that twinge of ache in my heart, it connected with the ache in her own heart. "This is someone that is very wounded." I heard the Lord say to me loud and clear. It has been a while that God has told me that about a complete stranger. It was difficult to feel this kind of hurt so early and without warning and yet at the same time it was so good to feel like God is about to use me in this way again. Thank you Lord for my painful memories because I am able to connect with those that hurt. Thank you Lord for connecting me with Anna this morning. I asked Anna if I could come visit her. Her eyes literally became teary as she told me she would like that. Most people don't respond to me this way initially. This woman's pain must be very deep. Father, I pray with my entire heart this morning that despite all of my weakness and inadequacy, that you would place your Spirit within me in a mighty way so that you might minister to Anna through me. Use me according to your sovereign will. I am willing. Give Anna beauty for ashes and use me, if it is your will, to tell her that you came to bind up the brokenhearted. If you are able to use a donkey, surely you can use my life.