Isaiah had to lay still for an hour today with these little electrodes all over his head and forehead today. I was ridiculously proud of my little son and his big brother. I tried without success to coax my little son to lay his head down so the technician could stick the things on his head, but he was scared to death. Finally, his big brother picked up one of those "find waldo" kind of books and told Isaiah to lay down. All it took was big brother to ask him to do it and Isaiah complied. Isaiah lay there letting his big brother tell him about the book and the technician was able to get enough data to do the test. It will probably be another month before we have the results from this and all the other tests they want to do. On the way out, Isaiah was so restless he almost made it on another elevator without us. I was so on edge I snapped at Alex for stepping on my foot. (I have very painful toes all the time due to a polio thing so when they are stepped on its even more painful.) My son has moments of extreme wisdom when I forget he is twelve.
Alexander pausing to look at me for a moment.- "Are you stressed about Chachi?"
Me- I'm sorry I snapped at you.
Alexander- Its not about me is it?
I went on to tell him how much I appreciated that he took the time to think about the situation and show grace to me rather than allow me to hurt his feelings. He told me he knew it had nothing to do with him because I don't usually bite his head off for accidents. Ouch. Its a painful thing to hear your child say you've just bitten his head off even tho' I was so happy to see him extend me so much grace.
CPS randomly chose our home to be audited and apparently our agency dropped the ball by not doing an audit of their own on our new home. They told us our new home wouldn't need to go through the usual inspections, but this isn't the case. In the meantime, the property management people told me they wouldn't do any repairs (no screens on windows, no fixing the shower, none of the electrical repairs that the gas man said are necessary, no smoke detectors, etc). I can't afford to do all the things that need to be done to bring this home into CPS compliance. I spent the entire week really freaking out about everything, but today I have this strange calm. I spent the hour that Isaiah was undergoing his test praying for God's help. When we came home I received the email from the property management person and then the subsequent CPS call. Yeah, it stinks that the property management people aren't going to bring an electrician. (The gas man said there is a burn mark on the breaker box and outlets that need attention.) BUT, can you see how this might be a God thing going on?
I realize this sounds bizarre, but you have to know that God has ALWAYS done big things in my life through lots of seemingly catastrophic events. It just feels like there have been so many huge catastrophic (at least in my opinion) events lately. The situation with my marriage doubled me over, but the wound against my baby boy brought me to my knees and I haven't been able to get up since. I'm still down here on the floor waiting to see what God is going to do with us.
Ah, it would all be so much easier if there were less flesh... less of my own earthiness... less of my own will...... less of my own desires and wishes... control... I'm sure this is what this is all about... God bringing ME to less of ME....
Keep praying....
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