Eye Candy (Gawking)

The world calls it eye candy, but God calls it the lust of the flesh.

Alexander and I are going through this book about issues relating to teenagers. It briefly touched on why wanting to "look at a little skin" is inappropriate. It didn't go into much detail about the topic, so I thought I'd do some research to prepare myself for some of Alex's questions.

I think most men and young men would confess that their eyes are Velcroed to whatever pretty woman crosses their path. Its like they have a radar that searches for pretty skin. At times it seems like its an unconscious act. Even the most devote Christian man may have trouble in this area. Gawking, as its commonly called, has been the topic of arguments and hurt feelings for men and women alike in many relationships. I used to think that "gawking" was just a guy's thing. However, I found out that some women struggle with this sin as well.

What is the harm with just a quick look? I'm not hurting anyone. Checking out other women opens the door for fantasies that hinder true relationships with the one God has for you. It dishonors God, self, and your spouse. You can't hardly turn on the television anymore without being bombarded with human flesh. I know visits to the grocery store usually require me to remind my man-children to guard their hearts. Flesh is everywhere! Its the cashier who collects our money, the magazines that line the aisle as we wait to pay, the scantily-dressed young woman at church, its the bouncy blond trying to gain the attention of men for no other reason than she, herself, is giving in to self-gratification. What is a man to do? Pray. Look the other way. Change the channel or turn off the television, honor your God, honor yourself, your children, your spouse, and your legacy.

What about private gawking through the use of magazines, Internet, or when you think no one else is looking? Surely this isn't hurting anyone. Do you think it grieves God? God is looking. He knows our hearts. He knows those secret thoughts in all the secret rooms of our heart and mind. Gawking is as addictive as any drug. The more times you give in to checking out just one more girl the more you will want to do it. You also have to keep upping the anty. They say that marijuana is the doorway to more serious drug use. I believe that the "occasional" wandering eye turned to that desirable chica is a doorway into lustful thoughts, desire for more gawking, pornography, and eventually may lead to infidelity. It not only dishonors your God, children, spouse, and legacy, but it makes you prone to wanting more and "better" than what you have at home. Satan loves to give us the myth that the grass is greener somewhere else.

Its only natural that I gawk, right? I mean I can't help having those feelings. We all have those sexy hormones. God made us that way so we would enjoy sharing love with our spouses. Those feelings are from him! However, he never intended us to misuse those feelings by degrading our spouse or significant other with our eyes wandering for another. When you are gawking at that buxomy redhead what is in your heart? Do you think you are following God's mandate to treat women like your sister? God's word tells us to treat everyone with absolute purity. Absolute is a very strong word.

First off, treat everyone with absolute purity (1 Timothy 5:2).

I am sure this includes the girls at the restaurant, at church, on the posters that line your office, the images on the computer or television screen, and Jane Doe on the street. They are not part of a buffet line for your lustful enjoyment. Even if they are dressed in ways to lure you to look. You are still responsible for your choice to look or to look away. God calls them your sisters and commands you to think of them with purity. Your sister has made a mistake in the way she has chosen to dress. Pray for her.

I can imagine that any man that has been accused of "gawking" or those that realize they have a problem in this area probably think there is nothing they can do to change it. "All men do it.." you may be saying to yourself. If the old adage, "Boys will be boys" is true, then I am sure it must be true that men will be men as well. However, this isn't what God says. This is a lie the world would have men and women believe.

Let the Lord Jesus take control of you, and don't think of ways to indulge your evil desires. Romans 13:14.

You can choose to give in to those evil desires or you can protect yourself. Just as I avoid bringing home too many desserts because I know I am prone to gluttony, you should set up a wall to protect your eyes, heart, and mind. However, there are times when I knowingly and willingly give in to my evil desires and I bring home the source of my addiction/sin. I'll bring home that Sam's chocolate cake knowing fully that I will probably eat the whole thing. Sure, I can tell myself at Sam's that I'll have a small piece. Yet, the Holy Spirit tells me otherwise. What does the Holy Spirit say to you in regards to "appreciating" member's of the opposite sex in an inappropriate manner?

If this is something you struggle with, then get Safe Eyes or some other porn blocker and have the software email someone that will hold you accountable, avoid places where you might be able to think of ways to indulge your evil desires, and commit to honor your God, spouse, children, and legacy by turning away rather than giving in. Yes, that means that those "gentleman's clubs" aren't a good idea. It may mean that the local swimming pool isn't the place for you unless you have gained victory through Christ over this sin. You can't gawk if you look in another direction and focus on the power of God within you.

Do you think that gawking is harmless? What does this say to your future wife or current wife and children? Are you teaching your girl children that they are to be objects of a man's lust? Are you teaching your man children that women are to be disrespected and used for their gratification? Will they in turn dishonor their own mother by your example?

Remember, you should treat everyone, including that half-exposed chica as if Jesus were standing right next to you. Imagine him with His hand on your shoulder. Your thoughts shouldn't be on using that woman to provide you with fleshly pleasure, your thoughts should be filled with compassion and grace. Find yourself a wife and indulge in legal sex with your spouse the way God intended. I realize its hard since so many women feel the need to expose themselves. That is a topic for another day. Realize that this woman is hurting and insecure and needs you to show her the love of Christ, not take advantage of her weakness. Why does this girl feel the need to expose herself in sexy dress? Pray that she would come to know the King of the Universe.

Check out Colossians 3:17. Jesus expects us to represent in everything we do or say. How are you representing?

If you have a problem in this area, ask God for forgiveness and help, apologize to your spouse or significant, and get help from a mentor if necessary.

God calls us to guard our hearts and live in holiness. The book of wisdom, Proverbs warns: My son, pay attention to what I say;listen closely to my words. Do not let them out of your sight, keep them within your heart for they are life to those who find them and health to a man's whole body. Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Prov 4:20-23. Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. - Heb 12:14 NIV

God calls men to be the protector and defender of their families. You'd never think to allow a gun toting stranger into your home to harm your family. Then why allow something equally destructive to invade your home? Are you prepared to protect and defend your family (and future family) against such spiritual attacks? Guard your heart. Honor your wife. Teach your children how to live in holiness. I mentioned dishonoring your legacy. Do you have a spiritual legacy to leave behind? Do you want your children to say, "My father was a godly and honorable man. He taught me to live a life of holiness and service to God." Is that what your children think of you? Do you want to leave your children the same legacy of a life broken due to lust of the flesh? Do not let Satan trick you into thinking that sin, any sin, is harmless.

Ephesians 4:24 reminds us that we are a new creation! Put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Eph 4:24 Have you stopped to consider your actions concerning this topic? What is God saying to you? Have you felt justified telling yourself, "Look just don't touch..."? Jesus never said the walk would be easy. Righteousness can come as a huge shock to our sinful desires. Why not ask God to show you if there is some area in your heart where sin lurks and hides waiting to ensnare you.

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Those things, which ye have both learned, and received, and heard, and seen in me, do: and the God of peace shall be with you. Philippians 4:8-9

My heart's desire is that those of us that struggle with wandering eyes/lust of the flesh would not succumb to feelings of guilt, but rather lay this struggle down at the cross. There is no condemnation. I know fully how difficult it is to struggle with sin. We all know this truth! Even the pastor at the pulpit struggles with something, friend. Do not let Satan ensnare you in condemnation. Jesus died for this sin and all others we have committed. However, he wants more for your life. He wants to set you free from this destructive act. If you ask God to help you he will. He has no choice, but to follow His character. He is a good God and only goodness can come from him.

Peace be unto you...