When Does Chaos Work?

I was just wondering how it is that some people take their traumatic pasts and seem to use it for good while others just spend their lives never seeming to be able to get it together. My friend has a theory that the reason I keep attempting to foster children, why I habitually envelope myself in outreach or volunteering, and why I surround my life in constant chaos and clutter is so I won't have to hear all the chaos inside myself. I've heard this theory from therapists in the past. Keeping busy has always worked really well for me. I have always truly believed it was my calling. In high school I was part of the leadership team that reached out to inner city children in Austin and bused them to Central Assembly Church. At the same time, I accompanied another team that fed the homeless along the railroad tracks downtown and then went street preaching along sixth street. Once a month or so, we would take a bus to Mexico to help a mission church there. I remember one time going to Brackenridge with a teen prostitute that had been hurt and actually taking her home with me. Mom really loved that one! I think I felt most fulfilled during those times. It just made sense that my life would end up helping hurting children. I'm not really sure what and where my life went wrong. I see other people filling and seemingly overfilling their life with chaos and clutter and it works and I wonder why and how it works and why and how mine doesn't. I've often heard that the difference between your personal calling and your own wishes is that your calling works and your wishes do not work. The thing that confuses me is that working with kids worked so well for me for over a decade. Its when I try to throw romantic relationships into the bowl and blend them together. I guess I don't possess the tools for too many life conflicts at one time. Its very sad if you think about it, but then very hopeful I guess if you consider that this must mean this is obviously not what I'm supposed to be doing. But, then what in the world am I supposed to be doing? Last night was one of those staring at the walls wondering what in the world was I created to do moments.