AHA Moments

I had a discussion with a friend at church on Wednesday evening. She just had her guts tied up so she could stop eating herself to death. She is just one of several people I know- all of us doing what we can to physically prevent ourselves from practicing the sin of gluttony.

I belong to a small group of people that meets on Sunday night. It’s a “Life Group” through my church. It’s a very rare group in that people are uniquely unafraid of being transparent largely in part because of the leaders of this group. Anyway, during the fellowship time, I shared with a couple and his wife and my friend Lizzy that I had to eat again and really didn’t know what to do about my food addiction. I was happier when God was telling me what to eat on a daily basis. My focus has gotten off of him though and back to my weight. I still weigh 152.

One lady shared about someone she knew with a drug addiction and her husband shared about how at that very moment he could “go for a cigarette” closing his eyes imaging the taste and the burning going through his lungs I am sure. He explained to us that he had to stop cold turkey and can’t smoke at all because it’s a true addiction for him. He understands my food addiction completely. He can’t imagine what it must be like for me being addicted to food. I laughed that I have it completely under control just like his cigarette addiction. I’m fine as long as I don’t have to eat. This is actually REALLY true. As long as I don’t have to eat. For a while, I thought God had delivered me from my addiction. I do not mean to take any glory away from the Lord at all. God has delivered me from so much and is keeping me from coming completely unglued this very moment. He has brought me through so much. Just like the alcoholic or heroine addict I seem to be fine if I detox and then avoid my substance of addiction. How long can you go without food?

My friend at church nodded sympathetically as we traded food addiction stories. She chose to have her belly tied, as she put it, because, “If your right eye offends you……” You tie up your stomach or you swallow a bunch of chemicals. I totally understand her pain. If I had the money to tie up my gut I'd do it tomorrow. I'd go to Mexico where its not so expensive.

I couldn't help but wonder if there is "true" deliverance in this world in our current states. Do ALL Christians struggle with something to this degree? Really? I got home to find my husband watching television. He has resigned himself to the fact that the children and I are leaving. He truly looks completely defeated. They laid off 15 more people where he works. HE was hired to pretty much bring some sort of deliverance to this company. The irony, eh? I shared with him my food addiction discussion. He said it’s the same with him and his anger issues. He said he seeks the same deliverance and its almost like the more he tries to not rage all over Alexander the worse his problem becomes and his anger becomes all consuming.  I’ve been so frustrated with him and could not understand why anyone could be so cruel to my children. I’m sure most people have no idea why a grown woman can’t stop shoveling food into her fat face, too. However, at that moment, I could completely empathize with my husband. I could totally see his anger as just another addiction. It was an aha moment.